And a Britney song was on…

So, I was thinking today (I can practically hear my dad going ooooooo scary, as I type that); the blog needs a theme song. I realize most people read this while at work or in the library at school, so you can’t really have the theme song come blasting out of your speakers, but you can definitely still sing it in your head. I would not worry about this too much, though, because let’s be real, I haven’t figured out how to add pictures to my blog, so that makes audio almost definitely out of the question. Anyway, because I really love my readers (all 50 of you!) I figured why not let you do me a solid and help me pick out the musical equivalent of the my life.

First, let me explain what I am looking for. I really need something that captures the essence of the seven year plan. Something that says ‘I’m a great time, but also a mature-ish time.” In my day I have had a lot of epic ring tones, which for all intents and purposes are more or less theme songs. My first ever was the song “Pop Princess.” This song was not only catchy, but it also made lyrical magic out of many of my favorite activities, mainly being a cute time and holding hands. Then, there was “Celebration.” OMG, do I love me some Kanye. Unfortunately, this one had to bite the dust because my phone once crooned to an interviewer ‘grab a drink, grab a glass, after that I’ll grab your…’ you get the picture. Then there was “This is the way I live,” which may have been my favorite of all time. Once this blog takes off I, too will ‘stack my money, lay low and chill.’ You probably assume I got rid of this one because I realized I was not all that hood, but no. In actuality, I knocked back too many adult beverages and at the behest of my friend partner in crime, Becky, I downloaded “Crazy Bitch” to my phone. Embarrassingly, this stayed my ring tone for several months as it was riotously hilarious and also garners a lot of attention when the actual song is inevitably played at bars. As the veritable theme songs of my college career these were all great and served their purpose well, but it is time to move on to something a little different, a little less embarrassing and a little more like what you might hear playing as I drive my black convertible down the Pacific Coast Highway red Cavalier down Beacon Street.

At current, there are a lot of masterpieces that are in the running. For starters, Michael Jackson’s P.Y.T. Great lyrics, great beat; mostly my worry is that we are in that awkward place where MJ’s passing was too long ago for this to be relevant, but not long enough ago to seem like a cool tribute. Also, I am only allowed to talk about being a cute time on the blog once per month and I have already exceeded 2 months worth this week alone, so it is maybe not the best idea to have that playing every time my readers log on. I thought it might be best to use older songs because I feel like people are less likely to get sick of those ones than the current Hot 100, but most of the ones I really love are total downers. Also, songs like “Wild Horses” really have very little to do with the content of this blog. If you’ve been paying attention you know there are really no deep passionate loves for even a dying mare to drag me away from.

Speaking of, I am heavily considering Lady Gaga’s new gem, “Bad Romance.” One, I love Lady Gaga almost as much as I love Kanye. Two, I cannot get that song out of my head. Three, I think this song might be the most true to life. As most people will assure you, I have a serious inability to choose proper mates. This affliction recently forced me to take to Ferret’s parents’ couch for an entire weekend. After watching me wallow for 2 days, her mother concluded that I am no longer allowed to have any say in my own suitors.

I also have really been rocking out to “Tik Tok,” of late. I hesitate to commit to this song, though, because I fear it will just give me license to get ‘crunk, crunk’ and ‘brush my teeth with a bottle of jack’ or in short, regress.

Basically, I’m at a loss. All of these options are funny, delightful and make me want to fist pump, but they’re just not the right ones. While these jams may pertain to my current problems, none of them are going to motivate me to accomplish the plan. Too bad, the song “Human” sucks so bad.

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