Crazy McPreggers has added you as a friend…

I have a lot of internet obsessions. You already know I love to read celebrity gossip sites, but I should confess that I also read a number of dumb blogs (for inspiration) as well as about 5 different news websites. None of these compare though, to my one true internet love, Facebook.

I have pretty much been on Facebook since its inception. I remember it long before there were photos and privacy restrictions. As a brand new college freshman it helped me learn the last names of all my new friends/enemies and it was supremely effective in sniffing out random tidbits about all of the good looking male characters I was encountering at parties. Eventually, though, privacy restrictions came into play and grown ups were allowed to join, both of which were complete buzz kills.

Privacy restrictions, fine, despite my initial hesitation I actually find them to be quite useful and effective in screening out the creepers. Pre-privacy restrictions I would sporadically receive random pokes and friend requests from a bevy of complete strangers and some characters that I most certainly should not have been fraternizing with. Post-restrictions, I am more or less impossible to find. Well, at least I was until my mom up and joined the book.

Since she joined the sheer number of friend requests I receive has increased, exponentially. These people are never people that I want to have a continued relationship with. In fact, they are pretty much the last people on earth that I want privy to the intricacies of my life. Not that there is anything wrong with these people, per se. They are all quite nice and on the occasions that I am home and run into them at the grocery store I am more than happy to exchange pleasantries. I do not; however, think that they need to see me wearing a shark piñata on my head or double fisting PBR’s and making my famed rectangle smile.

It is not that I feel shame in such behavior. Far from it, actually, but I just don’t think the entire world is prepared to see photographic evidence of the tomfoolery I get up to. My hi-jinks are by no means some new development. I have always managed to engage in certain debauchery and wild shenanigans, but because in high school I was decently smart and involved in every extracurricular known to mankind my wild ways flew under the radar. Even when I started keeping company with some girls widely known for their love of a good time, no one batted an eye. They must have thought I signed up to keep those crazies in line…WRONG.

But now, the jig is up. Everyone from my 6th grade teacher to the mother of my best friend from kindergarten wants our “friendship” to be confirmed for the entire information super highway to see. Frankly, I am not into it. This whole business makes me more uncomfortable than looking at the wedding album of one of my classmates and our chemistry teacher. Thankfully, they have not friended me yet, but I am telling you once the old gym teachers come knocking I am going to have to quit Facebook. For realsies this time.

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1 Comment

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One response to “Crazy McPreggers has added you as a friend…

  1. Ferret

    This reminds me. I have some good wedding pictures to show you on facebook this weekend. Get excited.

    You can’t quit the f-book, I need your account to stalk all the randos you are friends with.

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