Ordinarily, I try to avoid watching the news. Primarily, I do this because I formerly had big dreams of being a news anchor and as such endured a year as a newsroom intern. This was quite an experience in which I was regularly screamed at, learned more about the prevalence of unreported crime than I wanted to and looked at video footage of autopsied pit bulls. It was fun while it lasted, but when it came time to accept the job offer I just could not sign my sanity away like that. Now when I watch the news I get ‘Nam style flashbacks of those months I spent tethered to the anonymous tip line. Also, I am more acutely aware of the fact that what is being reported is essentially crap designed to get ratings and is not necessarily anything you need to know. Secondly, I hate watching the news because it is tragically sad. Case in point, I just watched a segment on adoption and may or may not have cried…no big deal. Why am I rambling about this? Well, today I am starting a new feature, News and Nonsense.
Sonic recently mentioned that he would like to hear my take on current events. In full disclosure, Sonic often hears my take on current events anyway as I like to express my undying love of social programs to him while he yells about personal liberty. In any case, I am excited that he finds these shenanigans entertaining enough to share with my 12 other subscribers. Also, work has been absolutely disgusting and it is either blog about current events or how everything I touch turns to mud. I’m kind of off downer blogging right meow, so without further ado, your first installment of news and nonsense.
And I thought my job was bad… If you follow that link you can read about how bad the world has really gotten. Apparently, some lady recently thought it might be acceptable to douse a meter maid with hot coffee. Lady, that poor city worker was just doing her job; what is wrong with you? Seriously, at some point between taking the lid off of your coffee and winding up to toss it at the meter maid it never crossed your mind that this was not okay behavior? That parking ticket probably cost, what, twenty five dollars? Personally, I am pretty sure my dignity is worth more than that and I once traded Esquire three dozen cookies in exchange for said dignity. It’s not like I’m really the epitome of great life choices or well placed, justified anger, but come on lady you were the one in the wrong here and then you compounded it by throwing food and just getting more wrong. Did you not see the episode of The Hills in which Spencer (Spencer Pratt, of all people) reprimanded Heidi’s sister for throwing food? If Spencer knows its not ok, the rest of us have no excuse.
HO. LY. Crap. How did I not know this was a thing? The Supreme Court is about to make some sort of monumental ruling on the 2nd amendment. To be perfectly honest I don’t really give a hoot about gun control. I do, however, love tailgating and also having experiences for the sake of saying I have done something ridiculous. So when I read that there is an opportunity to tailgate with every crazy loon bag with an opinion on guns, abortion, gay marriage and anything else America could possibly throw at the Supreme Court I nearly fainted with joy before I could put it on my bucket list. Two of the greatest experiences of my life involved watching wackos protest some political issue in front of the White House, so I can only imagine how awesome it might be to watch these crazies fail to behave themselves and get charged with contempt. So glorious…
I also want to quickly talk about the Governor of New York. Now, I have read none of the articles detailing the various scandals simply because I don’t have the patience for the screwed up state of NY politics these days. The reason I want to talk about poor, disgraced Gov. Paterson is because he used to live down the street from Utan. Now, when he was Eliot Spitzer’s right hand man, no one in my family had any idea that the lieutenant governor was Utan’s neighbor; we just never noticed. What we did notice was the house with the most hideous lime green door really ruining the aesthetic of the street. Coincidentally, all sorts of black town cars and SUVs started showing up at the curb of the offending house just as Spitzer was being taken down by his professional girlfriend. When we finally figured out Utan could have invited Paterson to a block party it all started to make sense. Once Paterson became the first blind man to become governor one of my always tactful cousins remarked, “well at least we know how someone managed to pick that color for their front door.” So sensitive.
There you have it kids, my half assed opinions on all sorts of things I found on the internet during my lunch break. I should also note that I have hesitated to comment on anything related to my main squeeze, Barack Obama. Let’s face it you don’t want to read me write “I Heart Barack Obama” a million times and I certainly don’t need HUAC knocking down my door.