Readers, friends, randos who somehow found their way here, this is a very special day for the blog. Much to my chagrin, I turn 24 today. This essentially means two things. One, I am old. Now, I realize that at 24 I am not exactly in the twilight of my life, but I have crows feet, people, and faint as those wrinkles may be they still mean I am old. Two, the seven year plan has essentially become a six year plan. I don’t know about the rest of you, but yikes! I am pretty sure I am no closer to human status was than when I started this blog five months ago. I’m pretty sure my life is still just as uniquely crazy as it was back in November, but just in case we are going to look back at the rules I set for myself and see how much progress I have made.
1. ) No hard alcohol I’ve done pretty well here. I can only recall one instance in which I have helped myself to something stronger than wine or beer since I started trying to clean my life up. It was for Becky’s going away, so that hardly counts and it wasn’t tequila, so I think that should count as twice the progress.
2. ) Only fraternize with eligible bachelors Well, this would highly depend on your definition of the word eligible. If you mean gentlemen already spoken for by other ladies, then yes; I gave up making out with other girl’s boyfriends months ago. Other than that I have been asked out by exactly one man in the past 5 months and we are all pretty sure he actually liked men, so there is that.
3.) Keep the spectacle to a minimum No, just, no. I won’t go that far into it, but somewhere on the information superhighway there exists a photo of me clad in black tie attire, no shoes, no coat, eating cheetos, roaming the streets.
4.) Pursue activities/hobbies Debatable. Unless, of course, rubber necking and getting emotional watching all the various tragedies chronicled on 16 and Pregnant count; in that case good for me.
5.) Think seriously in a career minded way I going to go ahead with no on this one. Despite the fact that I frequently find myself lamenting the lack of a general sense of what I want to be when I grow up I have made no head way on actually figuring anything out.
6.) Become responsible enough that the idea of caring for a dog/cat/goldfish is not totally ludicrous to those that love me. I recently dog sat for the most beautiful, fabulous, wonderful, cuddly dog in the world. We had the BEST time and she survived unscathed, but several issues arose throughout her stay. One, the early morning walks were a killer. I may or may not have wandered my neighborhood with white face cream smeared all over my face. Also, she took the opportunity one morning to poop on one of the garden level apartment windows in my neighborhood. She also once managed to tie herself to a tree. Turns out, I like animals better when I can give them back.
7.) Expand palate beyond broccoli, chicken and cheese The only thing I have introduced into my diet since turning 23 is Five Guys.
8.) Have more regard for my finances Well, I recently found myself in possession of a hearty raise. More money, doesn’t necessarily mean more regard, but its a start.
9.) Curb tongue in public I’ve been hibernating much of the winter and as such have not had much public interaction, but just for funsies let’s assume I’m still openly mocking people in public. In fact, I am pretty sure I am I just haven’t been out and about with the Ferret that often and she is usually the one who gives me the hairy eye when my sass gets away from me.
10.) Rules are for losers. Excellent work here. I almost never think about the rules and most certainly do not let them dictate my behavior. More often than not my behavior is guided by how prominently the mistake I am about to make will feature when my life flashes before my eyes on my death bed.
The bottom line here is that the plan is strong, in the way that there actually is no plan.