Category Archives: Uncategorized

I’m sharing an embarassing story to make up for my five weeks off…


Please ignore the weirdo who decided to film themselves playing Halo and set it to this sweet jam. It is the only video I could find that wasn’t porny and was the actual song.

In the words of Mase…WELCOME BACK! I am ending blog hiatus. If I am being completely honest, I totally missed it. I know, I found this to be quite shocking, too, seeing as I whined endlessly about it. Also, my class is finally over and I want to trash talk the nerd alerts that mocked me all semester in a public forum.

Mostly, though, I am bringing the blog back because I wanted to tell my readers how trashy my family is and I realized that I had not yet shared my best story with them. Seriously, I just remembered that this ACTUALLY happened like 2 weeks ago. I am pretty sure this memory was just too traumatic and I’ve been blocking it out for the past 12 years.

Anywhoodle, my dad used to drive one of these guys…

Unfortunately, I do not have a picture of the actual van. It was infinitely better than that one as it was two-tone. The top was blue and the bottom was black, with a matte finish because those colors were spray painted over a vibrant magenta, which I had convinced my adoring father was an awesome van color at the ripe old age of six. The van also had fur walls, the ceiling was covered in burlap, there was a mini fridge and (drum roll please) a bed in the back. I feel the need to clarify here that my dad IS NOT a molester; it was the ’70’s OK? I’m told it was totally bitchin’ at the time. I am also told my dad once drank 151 out of a bong, so I guess take that with a grain of salt.

Now merely owning the van was traumatizing enough. My gosh, I was mortified that it was in the driveway. Sadly for me, though, my parents actually made me ride in it. Now, being a passenger in that creep wagon sounds pretty bad in its own right. No one would want to be seen rolling around town in that creep wagon, but it gets worse.

To make room for all those awesome accouterments dear old dad had to ditch everything except for the passenger seat. So there are only two seats…for three people. Most people might do the math and say oh perhaps we should take the car we also own, but not Dad. Oh no, instead he just got out a lawn chair and loaded that in the back, next to the mini fridge, in front of the bed. Good for me I guess, because apparently my life was the most valued as I got the only seat with a seatbelt. Naturally, Dad was at the helm, which left my poor mother in the lawn chair.

This is just as awful as you can imagine, maybe even worse. Every time the van accelerated, the lawn chair would tip back violently. Each time Dad slammed on the brakes, which was often since he tailgates like whoa, the chair would collapse slightly smushing my poor mom in its nylon weaves and aluminum frame.

Gah, I barf in my mouth just thinking about it. Seriously, we were that trashy. Eventually we upgraded to a less creepy, on account of its windows, version. I was certainly no less embarrassed by it, but at least everyone could strap themselves in safely.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

I don’t even want to hear it…

The blog is maybe going on perma-hiatus. No, I am not going to tell you why. For the next 2 weeks I am not blogging and not feeling any sort of guilt about it. At the conclusion of those 2 weeks I will think about reinstating the blog, but for now no more blog. Sorry ’bout it.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

The state of the plan…

Readers, friends, randos who somehow found their way here, this is a very special day for the blog. Much to my chagrin, I turn 24 today. This essentially means two things. One, I am old. Now, I realize that at 24 I am not exactly in the twilight of my life, but I have crows feet, people, and faint as those wrinkles may be they still mean I am old. Two, the seven year plan has essentially become a six year plan. I don’t know about the rest of you, but yikes! I am pretty sure I am no closer to human status was than when I started this blog five months ago. I’m pretty sure my life is still just as uniquely crazy as it was back in November, but just in case we are going to look back at the rules I set for myself and see how much progress I have made. Read on, Readers

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

April 9, 2010

Last Friday will from here on out be known as the day that all of my wildest dreams came true. No, I did not vote for Pedro. And no, I did not marry a very wealthy and insanely handsome senator who encouraged me to quit my job and just concentrate on being fascinating for the rest of my life, unfortunately. I did happen to see an alligator in its natural habitat, which as you may recall was pretty much my life’s dream. Read on, Readers

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

I’m just taking a break

No posts this week. I am going to be travelling for work somewhere super glam and fab…jk it is probably the least glam place on earth, but I am excited nonetheless. If my lame friends could put their writing where their mouths are I would have some guest blogs to dredge up, but unfortunately they are all talk and no action. Please come back next week. There are lots of big things going down then as I will be turning the big 2-4. I hate everything about all my post-college birthdays, so if the blogging starts out hilarious and ends in tears do not be surprised.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Good news…I saw a dog today

I didn’t actually see a dog today so that sucks, but I did get out of work early. Since we are about 3 raindrops away from it turning into water world up in here my boss cut me loose. Now, in its own right that is pretty fly, BUT THEN I saw a ridiculous 3 car accident which only made it that much more awesome. Now, I had not originally intended to talk about how much I love to rubber neck today, but I forgot my blog idea list at work and I am so pumped up after seeing that accident that I could punch 25 ninjas in the face right now, so rubber necking it is. Read on, Readers

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Fun Fact Friday…a day late

Ouch. Last night Sonic, Athena and I went to a fancy pants dinner. We drank a lot and there are stories for the blog, but next week. Right now, I am hungover, but in the interest of blogging more regularly I am forcing myself to post anyway. Here are your fun facts: Read on, Readers

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized